I now have about eight boxes full of accumulated stuff (all thrifted) for mine and Kasey's future home. I also have really come together on my idea on the wedding. Mostly thanks to other's blogs with wonderful DIY projects and styles that mirror what I truly love.
At the end of the day I am just so exhausted. I feel that maybe after Christmas things will be a little better. Kasey graduates from the Police Academy in just two weeks. I feel as though things will slow down and we will have more time to focus on each other, finish planning the oh-so-soon-approaching wedding, and start looking for apartments.
Mostly my days are a repeat of the same pattern: Get up, go to work, go thrifting for vintage coffee cups (what will be used at the wedding reception. I need 100 of them), go home and crochet wedding flowers, help Kasey with homework, fix dinner, go home and get some sleep, repeat in seven hours. I feel as if I am running on fumes. It's not that I am unhappy or anything along those lines, I am just so tired. What little space I call my own private world (my room, my safe haven of Heather) is a war zone of clothes, washed and unwashed, a bed with a nest for blankets/sheets, yarn and crochet materials strewn about, pictures and wedding details laying on every available space, boxes that are halfway packed with things that are for this nearing "future" home, and what used to be my floor is littered with whatever flies off of my body at the end of the day before I dive back into the nest to sleep. I feel out of sorts, unorganized, and frazzled.
I find myself eating nothing but the occasional bowl of Raman noodles and a glass of hot cocoa at night, which has led me down a path of unhealthy weight loss. I am just not hungry and then when I find myself pinning (lusting) after food that I love, I do not desire it when it really comes down to eating.
I keep longing for moments when I can rest, then I sit down to rest and think only of what I need to get accomplished, so I try to get things done only to collapse down into a coma of exhaustion. I am in a horrible cycle.
So here it to trying to find my balance in life again at some point and the pursuit of grandma sweaters, since i have discovered that I own no warm clothing at all.