I changed five times until I felt like a was wearing the perfect outfit consisting of my red blouse with white horazontal stripes and big bow on the colar tucked into my navy blue polka dot highwaisted swishy skirt.
I listened to Death Cab's new song over and over again as I drove into town to the nearest Goodwill. I was truly praying to find the Rodarte dress from Target that went missing before I could snag one up when they re-released them two months ago. Sadly nothing. Not only that, I couldn't find a stitch of vintage clothing.
Nothing...absolutely nothing. I felt like crying. Not a single dress, shirt, skirt, or pair of shoes. I can always find at least something. I left with a sick feeling in my stomach and a pair of clearance Target tights with little pink flowers on them for $1. I mean sure they were cute, reminded me of the cream tights with flowers my momma would force me to wear with my frilly dresses every Sunday morning as a child, but I just didn't feel satisfied. I wanted to have a a true find, something would inspire me beyond its existence. Like maybe it would inspire me to listen to a song, say something important to someone, crochet something.
I thought I should eat. I saw the Panda Express sign and new I wanted it badly. I got my usual sweetfire chicken, orange chicken, and chowmein. It was cold, chewy...nasty. I thought about complaining, but then I thought to all those people who had cussed me out at work this week over nothing and simply threw it away and left. $6.75, flush toilet.
At this point I thought I should forget about the whole thing and go home, but there was Starbucks. Why not? I am tired of seeing that commercial where the coffee bean go from plant to cup especially for Sue or whoever. It was intriguing and I wanted to see the new logo cups. But here I am with one of the back-stock of the old cups, no new logo, listening to some band no one has ever heard of (this is an exaggeration. I know for a fact it is Beck playing), and loathing the moment I have to leave because that means I have to go to work.
Are the stars not aligned or something? I don't know. I thought being alone and spending time with myself would help, but I keep looking around at these strangers and I long for someone close to me to be here to talk too. I long for a friend, the ones that I love dearest that are so far away from me. I want to close my eyes and wish myself to Milwaukee or Anderson. I want Kasey here with me instead of only having the few minutes during the day where we have a quick passing of conversation before we go our separate ways to our jobs. I don't want these strangers anymore. I want those that I know I love and love me in return. I don't want another face that isn't a face of comfort.
I know this stems from all the hatred, hostility, and the ridiculous behavior I have received from people at work this week.
What is wrong with people?